A Friend Who Scoffed at My Necklace That I Bought From Claire's Apparently Is Getting A Ph.D
- Iris Kuraki
- Jun 14
- 6 min read
She came from a wealthy family. I didn't. And I still don't.
This post was originally posted on Substack. Check the original on Substack!
June is a month of depression. It’s called June Sickness, and people are stressed because they have been trying to adapt to the new environment since April. The rainy season makes it worse because of the fewer daylight hours.
The depression hits me, and maybe that’s why I’d like to talk about it. The memory reminds me of the reality that I don’t want to see. It’s about the girl I knew from high school. Today, I know she’s pursuing a Ph.D.
The experience stuck FOREVER in my head
I grew up in a rural part of Japan, where opportunities and incomes were limited. When I was in my first year of high school, I moved to another country because of my father’s job. That was where I met her, in the language school.
Let’s call her Natalie. She was also Japanese, like me. I thought I was getting along with her and the other girls.
One day, it happened. In the classroom, when she passed by me:
“Did you get that necklace at Claire’s?”
“Y, yeah.”
“I thought so.”
Natalie scoffed at me and went to her seat.
At that time, I thought: Does it look like THAT cheap? Shit, I failed this haul.
I’m not insulting Claire’s. I know that Claire’s primary target audience is girls between the ages of 3 and 16, and I was slightly above the range. Still, I enjoyed shopping there, and the accessories were affordable for me at that time. I’m grateful for it, pulling me into the glow-up era.
In Japan, there’s a common belief that if you can find something inexpensive that looks expensive, you’ve made a smart purchase. It’d be a great deal because you ‘look expensive’ on a budget, and you don’t need to lose your money. It’s win-win.
So I assumed that I had purchased the wrong item, even though it was just a necklace. I blamed myself a little. Natalie could tell how cheap it was without even seeing the price tag, and I thought she taught me it wasn’t a good deal.
“You’re not ugly. You’re just poor.”
I see this quote everywhere on the internet. It’s a popular internet meme and social commentary. It highlights the idea that modern beauty standards often require significant financial resources.
Now, you can purchase beauty in modern society. Calling someone ugly is uncomfortable. Yet, calling someone poor is uncomfortable, too. I’d actually feel relieved if someone had said that to me.
I learned the harsh reality from this phrase, and it made me think about what I experienced was not about ‘getting an expensive item at a cheap price’. It was the beginning of how financial resources relate to how I look.
The real issue wasn’t the necklace.
It was a female friendship.
It always makes me stressed. I constantly told myself that I needed to set a boundary, even with my girl friends. However, once I let someone hurt me, it will continue. I allowed it because I wanted to get along with them, not express contempt or derision toward me.
In my hometown, I had a friend who was raised by a single father and had two little brothers. They could not even afford a car since they were on welfare. Another friend’s parents had not worked at all because of a disability. Sometimes I heard screaming from her house. The different friend lived at the children’s home, and I only saw her mother at the Japanese traditional sports day (運動会) at school within ten years of this friendship.
None of my friends complained about their circumstances. They accepted. They have already adapted to it. I was speechless when I learned their circumstances. I could not do anything for them, but the friendship between them remained. My mother gave a ride to my friend, whom I introduced first above. We helped each other and never made fun of each other’s family background.
On the other hand, Natalie came from a wealthy family. Of course, she has lived abroad before I met her. Other friends I met in the language school were relatively wealthy, as their parents were doctors, scientists, or people who worked in the army. All of my friends moved abroad by following their parents. It was not a study abroad.
I moved abroad because of my father, who happened to transfer like them. Yet, my family was not like them. My father was neither a doctor, a scientist, nor someone who worked in the army. I was from the countryside of Japan. You can imagine the economy of the small town filled with the elderly and workers of low income.
Natalie was fluent in Japanese and English. She liked anime and K-POP just like other girls. I mistakenly believed that sharing interests or spending time together was enough to make us equals. The issue was that I thought I belonged there, in a group with Natalie and other friends.
A woman triggers another woman
I had believed for a long time that Natalie had insulted my sense of fashion or shopping. However, her intention was different.
Natalie implied,
I can see your necklace is cheap. Because it LOOKS cheap.
You bought it because you’re broke, huh?
Does it remind anyone?
Regina George from Mean Girls (2004) was the queen of the high school. She was stunning and confident about how she looked. The character was designed as a magnificent girl from a wealthy family, like Paris Hilton.
Money plays a huge role in Regina’s life. She wore designer clothes and had a great car thanks to her parents. Someone like Regina doesn’t need to buy jewelry that only looks expensive. She gets whatever she wants. Natelie is also one of them. It was why she sneered at me.
I haven’t been in touch with Natalie since graduation, so I researched her name out of curiosity. Then, I found her on LinkedIn. I discovered that she had attended one of Japan’s top universities and is now pursuing a Ph.D.
In Japan, most people go to university, college, or vocational school after high school. I went to a normal university thanks to my parents. However, going to graduate school is considered ‘too much education,’ which is an academic path that relatively few people pursue. Some fields require getting a Ph.D, but many people don’t need to go to graduate school, so they get a job after graduating from university.
I checked other friends’ profiles on Instagram, and now I get it. Not only her, but other friends I used to hang out with also went to a private university or the finest university.
Unlike Regina George, Natalie wasn’t just privileged: she was exceptionally intelligent.
A woman who can have all: beauty and education
Most teenagers are immature, and they fight with friends even over small stuff. It’s just a necklace. I told myself many times. After Natelie scoffed at me, I just went with the flow. Just tried to cope with her attitude.
Do you think you could ignore it if you were me?
Since Natalie is highly educated, by most social standards, she’s successful. Statistically, more women go to university than men. In other words, Natalie wins against almost all of the men as well as women.
She’ll likely continue building a successful career and the financial freedom that comes with it.
Did I lose on the aspects of beauty and education?
If it’s not about a necklace? What if she scoffed at the lip filler that I got, saying, “Did you get that from _ _? I’ve heard she’s a scam.”
You cannot change other people, as I cannot change her.
Natelie has a power educationally and influence socially now. Many people will believe what she says. People naturally give more credibility to highly educated people.
Last words
If we see each other again, what would she say?
“You look better now. I like your necklace,” *looking me from bottom to top, or
“At least, you went to college. Right?”
I can imagine countless versions of that conversation, and I feel like I’m paranoid now.
Now, I’m an adult. If I ever decide to pursue graduate school, it will be my own decision and something I’ll achieve on my own.
After I strayed into a whole different world where Natalie lives, my perspective changed. Now, I appreciate everything that happened to me. I experienced the reality that many people eventually faced during adolescence.
Has a friend ever made you feel ashamed of something you couldn’t afford? Or have you ever had a friend make you feel small because of where you came from?
Thank you for reading!
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